Is That a Chair??

I’m not much of a candy or chocolate fan anymore, but if I ever cross paths with a Ghirardelli dark chocolate raspberry square, I can’t promise anything. Now, for the most part, I can eat raw vegetables with just as much gusto as a seasoned candy or chocolate lover. Go figure.

Anyway, we were having dinner and talking with our kids the other night and the man I will lovingly call my son described someone that he knows by saying, “If he were candy, he’d be a Sour Patch Kid.” Clearly, his friend may be a bit of a curmudgeon. While the Sour Patch Kid is attending weekly anger management meetings, Mr. Goodbar is involved in much worse. Candy has a personality.

We have personality and candy has personality. So what would one be if one were candy? If you’re Sour Patch, do not miss any meetings and if you’re Mr. Goodbar, stay away from the city.

If your thing is Hot Tamales, stock up on Tums, take a couple of hits and chill. If Tootsie Rolls make your day, it might be a good idea to bring that obnoxiously cheery thing down a couple of notches. Not sure about your personality if you love Dots or Gummy Bears, but I hope you have great insurance to cover those dentist bills.

Mounds people are just the right amount of happy. They are fun. They are Mounds people. Almond Joy fanatics are all former Mounds people. They got so enthralled with the presence of almonds on their Mounds bar, they couldn’t help themselves. Almonds found their way onto just about all food, which in itself doesn’t sound so bad, but when you upholster the living room chair with 3,000 of them and think “Hey that looks pretty cool and you can have a snack while you’re sitting”, you should seriously consider hopping onto your horse and head back to Mounds country.

I think it’s fair to say that Twizzlers cross over into many different personalities. Even the Sour Patch and Mr. Good Bar folks like Twizzlers.

Intense, high strung, chronically “wired” might be appropriate if Skittles are a regular part of your diet. Why not just pour yourself a small bowl of sugar? Forget the dentist, give your cardiologist a call.

M&M people are happy and cheery. They’re like the Disneyland of chocolate. M&M people and Mounds people get along great.

Sweet Tarts are like Sour Patch Kids, but they don’t get along with each other because they’re curmudgeons and curmudgeons don’t get along with anyone, especially other curmudgeons.

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