When you’re born, you are thrust into this world without having a clue on what to do. You don’t get any training, you didn’t ask to be here and you’re not a happy camper since the very first thing that happens to you is you cry and soon find yourself in a box, tightly wrapped in a blanket and sporting a wool hat and mittens. You look around and see many other boxes with little people in them all wrapped up with mittens and the hat, just like you.
After a few days, it’s pretty obvious that your only contribution is to eat, cry, poop, throw up and sleep. You eat this liquid that hardly qualifies as food, cry because it tastes horrible, expel this black matter that looks and smells like rancid tar, throw up because there’s only so much of this stuff you can eat and sleep because the whole damn thing is exhausting. And you have to do this every day. To think you had to crawl for 12 hours through that tiny tunnel to get here.
And what’s with this all these appendages? They all keep jerking around without any apparent purpose, especially this big ball on top that is way too heavy and makes the head on a bobble head doll look stable. You try and look around but everything is very fuzzy. You’re not in this world for an hour and you need glasses.
In a fit of frustration, you struggle to find your place in this world and can only find useless information that says if you’re 0 – 2 months old, you’re a newborn, 2 months – 1 year old, you’re an infant, 1 year – 3 years old, you’re a toddler…The list goes on all the way up to 60 years being old age. That last one doesn’t sound very flattering and toddler sounds ridiculous. According to Webster a toddler is one who toddles and to toddle is to walk with short tottering steps in the manner of a young child.” Ok, there’s way too much toddling and tottering going on for you to even care anymore. There’s a bunch of other categories but hey, you just got here and your attention span isn’t exactly stellar. And you still haven’t figured out what all those appendages are for…
You wonder why everyone is so much bigger than you are. There’s no way they could have fit through that tunnel. Two of these big people bring you to another location where they place you into a bed with bars on both sides. This just keeps getting better. You can’t see and you’re in prison.
Soon you start seeing a lot more big people. These giants are everywhere and every day more giants appear and a lot of them speak this cryptic language that includes words like “Goo-Goo and Ga-Ga.” Can you please tell me what that means? Just when you think you have a handle on the language, you realize either you need a translator or they need a shrink.
You start to notice the same two big people around every day and get some comfort with them until one day they bring you to a really big building where they hold you over a pool of water next to an old guy in a white robe. There’s music playing and the old guy pours some water over your head and all you can feel is disappointment at the poor job he did in attempting to give you a bath. He must think this big ball on top should be cleaner than the rest of you, but it’s puzzling that he didn’t use any soap. Whatever, none of anything makes any sense so why should this part be any different.
You get back home with these two big people and it’s back to eating the same really bad liquid, crying and all the rest and it feels like you’ve spent you’re entire life eating this stuff. Well, technically you have.
Soon, you learn that crying gets the big people’s attention. It seems the big people will immediately stop what they are doing and tend to you if you cry. Boy oh boy, this could be fun. You want to put me in prison? Ok, let’s see who has the last laugh when you cry your way into that big bed that’s the size of Montana.
Things seem to change every day and you can’t wait to see what life has in store for you tomorrow…