Internet companies are the pioneers of lowering the bar. When we have a problem, I’m always amazed at the lengths I will go to avoid calling them.

Turn TV off and on 27 times.

Go downstairs, unplug the router, wait 5 seconds, plug it back in, go upstairs, check the tv and repeat a few more times.

Go to “Settings” on the tv to check the wireless connection and play around with a bunch of other stuff while having absolutely no idea what I am doing.

Get a small hammer and tap the router here and there.

Get a bigger hammer and tap the router here and there.

Not surprisingly, none of this works so I need to make the call. I’d rather have 4 root canals, swing over my optometrist for cataract surgery in both eyes, then head over to the bowling alley to compete in a tournament.

I call and hear, “Your call is very important to us. A customer service representative will be with you shortly” Define shortly…Is it the water will boil shortly or Trump will have a health plan shortly? I know, it’s “approximately” in the middle. And while I’m waiting please hook me up with a translator since I am fluent only in English.

Then you hear “Your call is being recorded for training purposes.” Where do all these recordings go? If they listened to them it would work. It doesn’t so they don’t.

Finally, a real person named Radesh is on the phone and I realize that translator would be great right about now. I’m 5 minutes into this conversation and all I’ve said is “I can’t understand you”.

So he tells me my tv could be the problem. Really?! If everything works 75% of the time, you’re telling me that the tv decides to not work the other 25%? Does it get tired and need to rest? When I see “No internet Connection” on the screen it would seem to me that the internet connection is the problem. If it weren’t it would say “Get a New TV”

“Ok then it might be the router”. I already checked the router. I unplugged it and plugged it back in a few times and it didn’t fix it. “Unplugging the router won’t fix the problem”. The person I spoke to a week ago told me to do this and yeah, Radesh, it doesn’t fix the problem. When can I get a service guy here? “I can get someone there in about a week” So I have to watch that little spinning circle in the middle of the screen that says 1%, 2%, 3%…for another week? “I’m sorry that’s the best we can do”

I hang up on Radesh and try turning the tv on and off another 43 times.

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