Address? What Address?

So we need to call an internet provider to have installation scheduled. I’ve done this enough times to know that I should have plenty of snacks and refreshments readily available. I don’t want to dehydrate. I’ll be here a while.

Imagine calling the company and a real person answers. It would suck. You wouldn’t hear “Your call is very important to us” followed by “Press 1 for this, press 2 for that”. You wouldn’t hear any of it and it’s troubling. What you “do” hear is a normal, real person talking, but as he keeps talking you start to feel dizzy and anxious. You don’t even hear the words anymore as you scream “Just tell me what fucking number to press!!!!”.

I’ve become accustomed to having that numerical relationship with the computer on the other end.

Finally, 3 cups of coffee and box of donuts later, I am speaking with a real person. Hey I was only on hold for 40 minutes this time! I give her our new address.

“I’m sorry sir but I can’t find that address.” Look harder, I’m standing in it.

“I’m sorry sir but still I can’t find that address.” Call an Uber and come on over so I can prove it to you.

That’s goes nowhere and she goes on to say that they need to make sure the address is accurate in case we need to call 911. I want someone to come here to set up the internet and when did this turn into a medical emergency?

This turns into an hour and a half phone call (briefly interrupted by a trip for more donuts) and ending with “We will make out a special ticket for the address which will take two days and after that we can schedule someone.” So you’re telling me you will either schedule a guy to go to a place you can’t find or you’re giving yourself two days to find me. Ok, whatever so when can I expect a service guy here after the two days? “I don’t know.” Great. Never heard from them again. That’s an hour and a half I’ll never get back.

And so we call back…

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