Enter the Lawyer…

I vividly remember the first consultation I had with my divorce lawyer. How long are you married? 30 years. You know since you’ve been married so long you’ll have to pay permanent alimony. No, I wasn’t aware of that but thanks for bringing that depressing fact to my attention. Any kids? Yes. How old? 24 and 26. Have a house? Yes. Any other properties in Milan or yachts? Nope. No Swiss bank accounts? I think I already answered that question…He then proceeded to tell me that this will be a pretty easy case since the kids are emancipated and there isn’t much property. I immediately questioned his abilities and went on to describe the 30 year marriage with a partner that turned into Jack Nicholson’s Joker. Not to mention the fact that I still have nightmares about train tracks. And I used to like trains…(If I lost you with the train reference, go to my post titled Marriage. That’ll clear it all up for ya.)

So the lawyers did their thing and the papers and accusations flew back and forth. And I was convinced that it’s just a matter of time until I go postal. Each day was a new surprise backed by the reassurance from my lawyer that I can always make more money. I didn’t read the divorce rulebook nor did I take Divorce 101 in college but I had this uneasy feeling that the Joker had my lawyer in his back pocket. Better send up that light Commissioner Gordon. He did at first but it wasn’t long before it disappeared and I thought either he was on the take too or Home Depot just ran out of bulbs…

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