Marriage

Marriage starts off the fun filled, always exciting, holy shit could this be happening, this is bullshit cycle we call Marriage, Divorce, Alimony. I’ve had my taste of marriage. Many sweet moments but too many bitter ones.

I like to describe my marriage as “Everybody Loves Raymond” on steroids. It’s kind of fun to say and pretty much everyone gets it. Just so we are all on the same page, I co-starred as Debra.

When we first started looking for a house, my brother Pat told me of the Radius Factor. He would say Bob, you need to remember the acceptable radius you need to be from your in-laws. Within 5 miles, no good. They can just drive over without a care in the world.  10-20 miles they most likely will have to call first. This is better, but with these people you need to be far enough away so they need to hop on a plane.  Point well made my dear brother…

Visits from the in-laws were frequent. I’d say about as frequent as I take a breath. I should have paid more attention to Pat’s radius factor. I was always amazed when my father-in-law would ask “What’s new?” Nothing at all, Dad since I saw you 8 hours ago…It got to the point where I would hide in the garage when I saw the white Dodge Dynasty pull into the driveway. Get down! As if you were being attacked by several heavily armed assassins.

I like to describe my marriage as volcanic. Loud obnoxious arguments, make nice and move on to the next loud, obnoxious argument. And Repeat…A relationship that turned from a loving and caring one to this…You are so stressed out that you see yourself being tied to train tracks by your loving partner. You see the train coming and struggle to free yourself but to no avail. The train runs over you, your arms and legs are gone and as you scream in agony she leans towards you and says, “What would you like for lunch?” Holy shit!! I’m in the Twilight Zone. I’d better look for Rod Serling. Only he can help me figure this shit out. Are there two sides to every story? Absolutely, but this is a little beyond “Honey can you please remember to take the garbage out?”

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